Some will say that the game of love is pure chemistry, it either exists or it doesn’t, but you can’t control it. Other may believe that the techniques of love are written down in those handbooks that you can find in some libraries or even on the Internet. But the real deal is that attraction is simply a pleasant perception that we get from a thing or person. Therefore, if someone does something pleasant, could he or she get to be more attractive?
The general definition of attraction is the ability to attract, which at the same time is defined as the action of “winning over the will, affection, liking or attention of another”. And how do we win over the will, affection, liking or attention of another person?
Generally, human beings tend to relate among them; we communicate and share. We are born from the womb in which we are incubated and where we develop during nine months; nine months in which our mother has to nurture and take care of her health in order to give birth. In her womb, we already create a relationship with her and we share even if it’s just the nutrients that will make us human.
Following this pattern, when we grow up, we search for love and affection in others. It’s human nature. We also long for happiness as one of our main goals for existing and, just like the quote in a movie states, “happiness is only real if you can share it”. Therefore, our destiny takes us back to that: sharing. And in order to share, we have to attract others.
Today we are focusing on them; on how a man can cause more attraction on a woman (or another man). Far from physical appearance, being a gentleman, and other stereotypes that have always been defined as ‘the keys to success for a man’, we are focusing on an aspect that is not really talked about but, we consider should have more echo: care-taking.
What do we refer to when we say care-taking? Taking care of their physical appearance? No, we are not referring to that. We refer to care-taking of others, of the house, of the family. We refer to being caring and sharing the workload that had always been implied that is supposed to get done by women. That really makes a man attractive.
Taking care of others not only makes people stronger but also more attractive, as explained doctor Gary Barker, international director and founder of Promundo, an ONG internationally renown with headquarters in Brasil and office in Rwanda and the USA that works at a national and international level to involve men in gender equality and violence prevention, in the last TEDxBarcelonaWomen. According to the director of Promundo, in more than one occasion he has found young men who had vandalized, been in prison or been aggressive or accused of a case of violence, and whose future was in check-point because of their past. He asked them how they would get out of that life and, especially why were they willing to erase that past. To this, they all agreed on one answer: they would do it for a person that they loved and whom they took care of.
Becoming a person that gives care, protection and affection to another person makes them stronger. Men who take care of others become more comfortable with them and feel safer and stronger in order to offer that strength to someone else, and this makes them more attractive.
En a study undertaken by Gary Barker, he interviewed men and women from all over the world and he ask them to what extent they shared home tasks. According to the doctor, he arrived to the following conclusions:
- In those relationships where the couple shared the household workload, women answered that they were happier
- In those relationships where the couple shared the household workload, women answered that they were sexually happier with their partner (and not with another man or woman, which is an important factor)
On top of this, Barker suggests that taking care of others, we learn how to take care of ourselves and this makes men who do so take better care of themselves. This can translate into a better physical appearance and thus, more attractive appearance.
But most importantly, taking care of others, other than teaching us how to take care of ourselves, teaches us how to be human. And a fundamental truth is that human beings feel attraction to other human beings.