It is incredible that there still the thought that women still don’t have the power of taking the control of our life. We know that society shapes a lot the character of people; the things that are “acceptable” and the ones that are “unacceptable”. These appreciations many times are defined by ancient traditions, most of which are impregnated by patriarchy. taboos and inequality.
Here we want to share with you 9 habits that make women weak, but which we can control as they are decisions that we make day by day.
How many times have we walked away from saying what we really wanted? Many times we settle without even trying to negotiate for some different or better. Many for the fear of confronting the desires of the others or the fear of looking too ambitious. The truth is that settling shouldn’t be a valid answer in the only life that we got. We have as much right as the others to express what we want, and most importantly, what we don’t want.
- Remain silent about our opinion
Our opinion is a reflect of who we are. We should not repress what we think or how we feel about one of several subjects. As we were mentioned about settling, remaining silent about our opinion many times can be for the fear of going against what the other person says or for the fear of not being accepted for having a different thought. Our opinions are as valid as others’. Staying silent is limiting our essence, and this is something that in the short and long term doesn’t do well to us.
- Thinking that we don’t deserve our achievements
To many of us happen that we don’t think that we deserve the achievements that we accomplish; this is a believe that is observe more often in women than in men. This, equally in the personal and the professional life, is like a big concrete wall that limits our growth. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be betrayed by our minds, thinking that we are impostors by receiving that great job opportunity, promotion or recognition; by the believe that we don’t deserve that great thing happening to us. Without doubt, we should embrace the great things that come to our life and avoid allowing our minds to sabotage those great moments.
- Limit ourselves by the desire to fit-in or by the fear of the opinion of others
Honestly, our life and actions should not flow under the conditional of that fits with others and what doesn’t. We give away the control of our life when we shape our actions and believes around the opinions of others (work colleagues, friends, and even family members). The desire to please everyone can become self-destructive in the long term.
- Apologize for… basically, everything
This is a common mistake, especially of many women; apologizing even for things that don’t require this gesture. The fact of feeling that we bother or interrupt others by taking the stapler of the desk, when asking the salesperson for a different size of an item or by saying in the bar that you prefer to pay by credit card instead of cash. This feeling of needing to apologize makes us smaller. Yes, it is OK to be polite and educated, and apologizing when is the right thing to do, but we should work in leaving this gesture only and exclusively for the occasions that really requires it.
- Being addicted to other people’s approval
Receiving other people’s approval can become and addiction for many, especially for women. The fact of looking for approval in every action that we take or idea that we propose is a symptom of the weakness of our self-confidence. If you’ve notice that you have this tendency, how about if you stop yourself every time that you notice that you are willing to look for approval? With time and practice you’ll see the difference and you’ll feel that your actions are more organic and true to yourself, as they’ll only depend on you.
- Saying yes, even when we don’t want
When the “yes” don’t know limits, something is wrong. Saying compulsively “yes” to everything that we are asked for by certain people, also imply saying “no” to ourselves, when we agree to do things that we don’t want or can’t do. Giving up on our desires in order to please others is a game in which we’ll loose. We invite you to do a mental audit of the people or situations that makes you feel compromised to say ”yes” even without thinking on the real answer that you wish to give. Then, we invite you to take your time before replying with an automatic and involuntary yes. It is very important to practice the art of saying no without guilt.
- The fear of being alone
The fear of being alone not only manifests when we stay in a romantic relationship that isn’t good for us or that we don’t longer want. It also manifests when we keep a relationship with a co-worker or old friends who fit in the category of toxic people, who don’t add nothing to our life or with who we no longer have common things that once make us become close. We shouldn’t fear leaving a side the relationships that doesn’t add positive things to our life, nor those that affect us one or another way. Our time is valuable and we should invest it on people that we are interest and who are good for us.
- Struggle to accomplish the expectations of society
And of course, society. How many people that we know, even ourselves, have we seen prisoners of society and its expectations?… “You should have certain type of friends”… “if you don’t have a couple before certain age, something is wrong”… “if you haven’t marry by your 30’s, probably you’ll never do it”… “as soon as you marry you should have ready your maternity plan, after all, what have you marry if its not to have babies”… “be careful to not postpone the children for many years, specially if it’s to develop you’re career”… “even if your marriage is not working, you have to keep it and fix; you shouldn’t go through a divorce”… “you cannot say that you’re attracted to the same sex; it is not acceptable”… and the list is endless. Women, don’t allow that years of limiting believes, many of them mistaken, shape the course of your life.
Do you know of other limiting habits that you wish to share with us?
In Tedx Barcelona Women we believe in sharing the ideas that worth to be transmitted; to make better people, societies and the world. The awareness of these aspects, especially by women, is a key element in the achievement of gender equality. As soon as women get to conquest these obstacles, we’ll see more women in managing positions, more entrepreneurs, and more successful women. We love learning and sharing the stories of women who are became a great source of inspiration and role models.
Feminism is defending that women have the same right and opportunities as men; and this can be achieve through the conversations like this one; will you join? Don’t miss our conference on Wednesday 10th of June at the Casino L’Aliança de Poblenou. Buy your tickets by clicking on this link. We hope to see you there! It’s time to shift balance!